When the Carters move into a well-kept bungalow on the East Side of Madison, they soon discover they are sharing their new digs with what appears to be the spirit of Darryl Carter’s slain rapper brother, Demetrius AKA Uncle Playa. At first, it seems that their spectral housemate is only interested in helping Darryl’s brother Malcolm become Madison’s first black mayor and protecting his wife Denise and daughter Kelly from local thugs. However, after Darryl and Denise are attacked by a swarm of earwigs and Kelly is nearly pulled into the Land of the Pattywhacks, the sinister dimension that lies beyond the basement wardrobe, by an ungodly monstrosity, the Carters realize that the Knickknack, a shape shifting demon who thrives on deception, has been occupying their home since the day they moved in. When they try to flee, the entity attempts to devour their car, but they are rescued at the last minute by medium Tamara Phillips, who informs them that the only effective weapon against the Knickknack is a rare volume of spells entitled the Zuccothicon.
Unfortunately, when Tamara attempts to purchase a copy of the Zuccothicon from an old friend, a cult led by the evil warlock Vincent Buzaleeb steals the book to help realize the Knickknack’s scheme to overthrow Satan and rule hell. Tamara and the Carters follow Buzaleeb to a rundown gas station where Tamara manages to grab the book while Buzaleeb is tormenting a lottery winner trapped in a restroom. However, just when Tamara is convinced that the Carters’ battle with the Knickknack is almost won, she has a fatal encounter with the Gigantilupus, a giant wolf who serves as the Knickknack’s lieutenant. The Carters are able to take possession of the book, but soon discover that they will be unable to use it to defeat the Knickknack unless they are able to track down a trio of enchanted vampire bat ears, which will help them locate the incantations they require.
I was hoping that this synopsis would be intriguing enough to my current publisher, Eloquent Books, that they would award me a contract instead of making me pay for the production costs, which was what they made me do with "IVD". Unfortunately, they refuse to handle this title unless I pay them $995 or "IVD" sells at least 5,000 copies. I already paid the greedy bastards about $600 to publish "IVD" and I damn near broke the bank last month on holiday advertising for that title. I don't want to wait until "IVD" sells 5,000 copies to see "Knickknack" in hardcover, so I have decided to submit my query to Bookblaster.com, which will contact a bunch of publishers and agents on my behalf, and hopefully I'll see some satisfactory results from that endeavor within the next few weeks.
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