Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Click here to watch a "live" reading from "IVD" at Booked for Murder, Madison,WI

THE BOOKED FOR MURDER READING 11/7/09- This event was a dramatic improvement over the Goodman Center fiasco. My confidence was bolstered by the fact that the majority of the audience was extended family (not that I couldn't do a great job in front of an audience of strangers). I sat at a table decorated with 8 or 9 copies of the book and read two excerpts totaling 12 pages- the Mendota'sestate scene and the brush with death in the Yahara river. Except for a few brief losses of composure due to the contagious snickering from a gentleman in the front row, my performance was almost flawless.

AllBooks Review selects "IVD" as Mystery Feature of the Month

Click on title to read review.
I was somewhat surprised when Shirley Roe, AllBooks Review editor-of-chief, informed me via email a few days ago that "IVD" had been awarded this distinction. When Mr. Whitford's witty, hilarious write-up first appeared on their site, I was perfectly satisfied with the fact that he captured the soul of the novel more than any other reviewer and wasn't anticipating any more kudos from him or from anyone connected with AllBooks. Not that this isn't the greatest honor I've received for my book thus far. In fact, this is the next best thing to a positive critique in the Midwest Book Review because AllBooks is listed on their site. Naturally, Mom was elated when I showed her the printout last night and once again voiced her theory that Great Grandma is working behind the scenes in heaven. I'm still of the opinion that if that venerable old lady was still alive today, she would not be very ecstatic about the foul language and graphic violence in "IVD" and would be sternly encouraging me to write books that would be more in sync with her values.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

GMP meets Mr. BIG (AKA Bert I. Gordon)

When I first became familiar with Mr.Gordon's work through his brilliantly schlocky "Food of the Gods", I never imagined I would ever get to meet the talented individual behind this engaging tale of rats and roosters and other camp classics like "Earth vs. the Spider", "Empire of the Ants", and "The Magic Sword". Then, one day at work, I was thumbing through the Wisconsin Film Festival Guide when my heart suddenly leaped into my larynx as I discovered that Mr. Gordon would be returning to his alma mater (UW-Madison)to present his personal 35mm print of "The Magic Sword". I was able to get rid of the first half of my shift with no difficulty. On Sunday, April 18th, I arrived on campus about twenty minutes before the film was scheduled to start. There was some initial confusion about where the movie would be screened. Rob Thomas had incorrectly stated in his article on Mr. Gordon that the UW Cinematheque had been relocated to the Memorial Union. Instead, it was in Vilas Hall, where it's been since I took a video production course in that building eight years ago. As soon as I crossed the bridge and saw the line in front of the door to 4070, I realized how naive I'd been to surmise that Mr.Gordon, who has been retired from directing for the past twenty years, does not have much of a fan base anymore. As soon as I took my seat, I glanced to my right and noticed a distinguished-looking older guy sitting almost directly across from me. A quick check on Bing confirmed that this individual was none other than the Sultan of Schlock himself! I sheepishly approached him and told him it would be a great honor if he would autograph my VHS tape of "Food of the Gods".I have nothing but the most profound respect for someone who has made so many important contributions to the genre and still sits with his fans during a screening of one of his films.He gladly obliged and then handed me a business card with information about his autobiography, which filled me with regret for not bringing one of my "IVD" bookmarks that I designed for the LA Times Book Fest with me. I spent almost the entire film mentally kicking myself in the ass for not giving him a bookmark, or better yet, a CD-rom of my screenplay "Bullhead", which deals with aliens, Dillinger's clone, and a giant fish and would have been right up his alley. When I went to work, I was barely able to keep my mind on my customers because I was feeling like such a damn lazy nerd for not embracing what seemed at the time to be an unequivocated marketing opportunity. Mom, as usual, helped me to see the light about this matter and by the time I went to bed that night I knew that I would have been an even bigger nerd, as well as a classless asshole, if I had solicited Mr. Gordon with a bookmark or a CD. The man is 88 years old and he probably has geeks coming up to him all the time at film festivals and conventions asking him to read their scripts and novels. Chances are, if I had stooped to that level, he would have had one of the ushers toss me out on my can and I would have been so mortified that I would never have been able to bring myself to watch one of his movies again. So instead, I contacted him through Facebook about "Bullhead", even though the Cubs have a greater chance of winning the Series this year, than I have for getting Mr. Gordon or one of his associates to take a genuine interest in my work.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Sneak preview and latest news about "Knickknack", a novel inspired by the works of H.P.Lovecraft

When the Carters move into a well-kept bungalow on the East Side of Madison, they soon discover they are sharing their new digs with what appears to be the spirit of Darryl Carter’s slain rapper brother, Demetrius AKA Uncle Playa. At first, it seems that their spectral housemate is only interested in helping Darryl’s brother Malcolm become Madison’s first black mayor and protecting his wife Denise and daughter Kelly from local thugs. However, after Darryl and Denise are attacked by a swarm of earwigs and Kelly is nearly pulled into the Land of the Pattywhacks, the sinister dimension that lies beyond the basement wardrobe, by an ungodly monstrosity, the Carters realize that the Knickknack, a shape shifting demon who thrives on deception, has been occupying their home since the day they moved in. When they try to flee, the entity attempts to devour their car, but they are rescued at the last minute by medium Tamara Phillips, who informs them that the only effective weapon against the Knickknack is a rare volume of spells entitled the Zuccothicon.
Unfortunately, when Tamara attempts to purchase a copy of the Zuccothicon from an old friend, a cult led by the evil warlock Vincent Buzaleeb steals the book to help realize the Knickknack’s scheme to overthrow Satan and rule hell. Tamara and the Carters follow Buzaleeb to a rundown gas station where Tamara manages to grab the book while Buzaleeb is tormenting a lottery winner trapped in a restroom. However, just when Tamara is convinced that the Carters’ battle with the Knickknack is almost won, she has a fatal encounter with the Gigantilupus, a giant wolf who serves as the Knickknack’s lieutenant. The Carters are able to take possession of the book, but soon discover that they will be unable to use it to defeat the Knickknack unless they are able to track down a trio of enchanted vampire bat ears, which will help them locate the incantations they require.
I was hoping that this synopsis would be intriguing enough to my current publisher, Eloquent Books, that they would award me a contract instead of making me pay for the production costs, which was what they made me do with "IVD". Unfortunately, they refuse to handle this title unless I pay them $995 or "IVD" sells at least 5,000 copies. I already paid the greedy bastards about $600 to publish "IVD" and I damn near broke the bank last month on holiday advertising for that title. I don't want to wait until "IVD" sells 5,000 copies to see "Knickknack" in hardcover, so I have decided to submit my query to Bookblaster.com, which will contact a bunch of publishers and agents on my behalf, and hopefully I'll see some satisfactory results from that endeavor within the next few weeks.

My favorite review of "IVD"

4.0 out of 5 stars ALLBOOKS REVIEWS, January 17, 2010
By Jan Whitford (Jamestown, Rhode Island) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
Right out of the gate, I gotta say that I really like this author's style and voice! And you get the feel of it right away when he describes flipping off a driver with a cell phone plastered to his ear in a traffic gridlock, a "fifteen-mile-long phone booth". Soon after, the rest of the story explodes--non-stop action peppered with a plethora of vivid descriptions mixed with snappy dialogue just bursting with humorous tongue-in-cheek contemporary satire.
Mark, our protagonist, is a lowly grocery clerk. Trapped in a loveless marriage, he's looking to Crystal (his Taco Bell soul mate) to improve his life. When his old best friend from high school shows up, things look sort of promising but that's when the bottom drops out because Mark is falsely accused of the double murders of Crystal and his boss. In order to wiggle out of a 75-year prison sentence, he unwittingly becomes enmeshed in the Mafia. As the book jacket describes: "With breathless pacing and heart-pounding action, Greg Przywara's IVD has twists and turns that bring this bada-bing, exciting novel to an explosive and dramatic ending." The book jacket also tells us that Mr. Przywara is a writer and food industry worker, living in Wisconsin where he wrote two screenplays and is currently working on his second novel.
Well, by now you've probably guessed that I'm recommending this book, especially for readers who love good contemporary dialogue and tons of action. Geez, we even get Mafiosos who're capable of decapitating the statue of Harry Carey at Wrigley Field for Pete's sake. And during a real roller coaster ride of non-stop action, we're treated to a lawyer "full of mechanical regret", a homicidal school shooter, bullying cops, FBI pests, snarling pit bulls, dramatic fires, exploding DVDs, torrents of bullets, paramedics, silent-but-deadly flattulism, and even an obtuse connection with Al-Quaida. All this, Mr. Przywara deals out skillfully with his original literary style, weaved around ingenious sports allusions, betrayal and ultimately--redemption. Finally, I have a question. We all know that protagonists are good guys, right? That being the case, you think our hero will swab a guy's eyes permanently open with a Q-tip and Superglue, just to get information? Well, I guess you'll just have to read the book to find out.

Recommended by reviewer, Jan Evan Whitford ALLBOOKS REVIEWS
For more reviews and ordering information, click on the title of this entry.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

How Brett Favre Saved Me from Writer's Block

This is probably the last thing you'd expect to see from a blog posted by Madison, WI's 1 Bears fan but it's 100% true. In March 2007, I was wrestling with a very difficult scene in IVD in which my protagonist Mark Crizlanek is unsuccessfully trying to wrest the identity of his lover's killer out of escaped school shooter Erik Stockton by torturing him with repeated viewings of a video of Erik being brutally beaten by a group of drunken jocks at a party. No matter how much liquor or visual torment Mark forced down his throat, Erik refused to give in unless Mark agreed to help him deliver anti-Hmong signs for his racist uncle in Tomah. I had decided to make Mark give up and try his luck with ex-friend- turned-deadly adversary, Trevor Gates, a pedestrian, one-dimensional strategy that would do nothing to make this book a legitimate contender in this insanely competitive market, so you can imagine my immeasurable relief when a certain news story irrevocably changed the whole direction of the narrative.

The image dissolved to Brett Favre holding a news conference at Lambeau Field, a usually mundane spectacle that normally would have been saved for the tale end of the six o'clock news, except for the crawl on the bottom of the screen that read FAVRE RETIRES. Erik's face grew as white as the sheet of paper in Number Four's trembling hands as the King of the Packrats tearfully announced his abdication. His reaction caught Mark off guard. It had never occurred to him until now that a kid whose motivation for breathing revolved around manipulation and violence had just as much Cheese Whiz flowing through his veins as the hordes of Brett's loyal disciples that swamped Mendota's every football Sunday. Mark picked up the wastebasket and held it under the kid's chin just in case the sudden ghostliness of his features meant the effects of his forced binge were kicking in.

"No, I'm not gonna puke," said Erik as he pushed the trash bin away,"but that still doesn't make what I gotta do any easier."

"Kid, it's not like God just quit," reassured Mark, still not quite ready to believe that someone like Erik could become so distraught over the retirement of an over-the-hill quarterback.

"No it's not that," contradicted Erik, his eyes level with the floor. "It's just that now I don't have an excuse to hide the name of your girlfriend's killer any longer." Mark's initial impulse was to dance around the room shouting Thank you Favre for accomplishing what torture could not! However, his skepticism at the kid's unwarranted change of heart kept his feet firmly embedded in the floor.

"Why?" he asked. Erik hurled himself into the couch with the limp exhaustion of someone who'd just been through the emotional tae bo workout from hell.

"About a month before I shot the principal, I was asking my uncle how much he'd pay me if he gave me a summer job and he told me that if I delivered five hundred signs, he'd get me Packer tickets. Now that Favre's gone, the Pack are gonna be the bottom feeders of the NFL for the next ten years, so what the hell do I need tickets for? There's no reason for us to go to Tomah and there's no reason why I shouldn't tell you who killed the Logan girl."

IVD, A gripping tale of crazy Chicago sports fans, mobsters, and exploding DVD's set in the heart of Cheesehead Country http://www.squidoo.com/my-novel-IVD