Daily Cardinal to review Knickknack!

Yesterday afternoon, I sent off a handful of review requests to various community publications, including both UW-Madison student papers. Based on my lack of success in getting IVD reviewed, I was not expecting a response, if any, from these editors for a very long time. Imagine my astonishment when I was enroute to choir practice and I received the following email from an editor at the Daily Cardinal (the main UW paper):

Greg,

We would be interested in reviewing a copy of the novel, and having on the shelf to display in the office. If you could please send us a copy at 821 University Ave. Rm. 2142 Vilas hall, that would be fantastic.

Thank you much,

Jeremy Gartzke

What is interesting about this email is that when I submitted a request to get IVD reviewed in 2009, they wouldn't touch that book with a ten-foot poll. Obviously, the Cardinal is under new and presumably hipper management. All I know is that once that review hits the stands, Knickknack is destined to be a cult hit on campus! Because it takes me only 25 minutes to get to Vilas Hall from my home on the East Side, I have decided to deliver the review copy, which God willing, will arrive this week, to the Cardinal office in person. I think it will be interesting to poke my head in there for the first time in over seven years. (I used to write reviews and tech articles for them.)

Contest details/ The Cart Caddy from Hell

Buy "Knickknack" between now and 2/25/11 from http://www.authorsden.com/gregprzywara and you could win a $25 Woodman's gift card. All you have to do is show me your copy of the book or other proof of purchase (proof of purchase can also be emailed to me at dabears198545@hotmail.com) and I will take down your name. On Feb 28th, one lucky co-worker chosen at random will receive their gift card. To ensure absolutely no bias, a video of the drawing will be posted to my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/CrooningCashier1979

This contest is limited to Woodman's employees and their families.

Here is an excerpt from one of the most chilling scenes in the book, especially chilling if you've spent any time on parcel/carts.

While Kelly groped around inside the cluttered glove compartment in search of the key, Denise became conscious of a small motor starting up a few feet to her right. She turned and realized that the discordant rumbling was coming from the discarded cart caddy which was now slowly rolling towards her!

“For God’s sake hurry up with that key!” she pleaded with her daughter as she leaped onto the trunk to avoid being crushed by the approaching caddy.

“I found it!” Kelly called out to her after what seemed like a millennium.

“Open the left passenger side window and hand it to me,” she instructed as she unsuccessfully tried to keep the terror racing through her nerves from spreading to Kelly. “What’s going on out there?” asked Kelly fearfully.

“Never mind, it’ll all be over as soon as you give me the key and I can get the book out of the trunk,” her mother replied with rapidly diminishing confidence as the caddy rolled back and forth across the alley. Kelly rolled down the window and handed Denise the key. She slowly climbed down from the trunk, vigilantly monitoring the caddy’s movements as she inserted the key in the lock and gave the handle a prayerful tug. She grabbed the book and sprinted around to the left side of the car. She was less than two feet from the driver’s side door when the caddy reversed course and came at her so abruptly, she dropped the book as she leaped onto a dumpster.

Fortunately, Kelly was able to open the door, scoop up the priceless volume, and toss it onto the seat next to her a split second before the caddy would have ground it into unsalvageable pulp. The ear was still marking the page that had spared Darryl from the horrors at the Antique Nook, but as soon as Kelly removed it, the caddy slammed into the left side of the car, shattering the driver’s side window. As she tried to shield her face from the torrent of shards rushing at her, she dropped the ear on the floor of the vehicle. As she bent down to retrieve it, the caddy rammed the front bumper with such force that if Kelly hadn’t been securely buckled in, her head would have suffered a fatal collision with the dashboard. As it was, she was almost too dazed to wrap her quivering fingers around the ear and toss it onto the open pages of the book, which began flipping immediately.

“Are you all right in there?” her mother cried out from atop the dumpster. “I’m a little shaken up, but I don’t think I busted anything,” replied Kelly, even though the pain that had begun to flare up in her collarbone right after the second collision was an indisputable indication that she’d be suffering from whiplash for the next week. She picked up the book and eyed the spell that the ear had illuminated, but before she could determine the correct pronunciation, a green ball of fire shot out from the light at the top of the caddy, igniting the tall brush surrounding the dumpster. Denise screamed and leaped over the chain-link fence behind the dumpster. Kelly couldn’t figure out whether it was the pain, the Knickknack, or both that was causing the words in front of her to become blurrier and blurrier until they were nothing but an indecipherable gray cloud as her mother crouched behind an oak tree on the other side of the fence, pleading with her to hurry up and find the spell to stop the caddy from launching another fireball.

AllBooks Review selects "IVD" as Mystery Feature of the Month

Click on title to read review.
I was somewhat surprised when Shirley Roe, AllBooks Review editor-of-chief, informed me via email a few days ago that "IVD" had been awarded this distinction. When Mr. Whitford's witty, hilarious write-up first appeared on their site, I was perfectly satisfied with the fact that he captured the soul of the novel more than any other reviewer and wasn't anticipating any more kudos from him or from anyone connected with AllBooks. Not that this isn't the greatest honor I've received for my book thus far. In fact, this is the next best thing to a positive critique in the Midwest Book Review because AllBooks is listed on their site. Naturally, Mom was elated when I showed her the printout last night and once again voiced her theory that Great Grandma is working behind the scenes in heaven. I'm still of the opinion that if that venerable old lady was still alive today, she would not be very ecstatic about the foul language and graphic violence in "IVD" and would be sternly encouraging me to write books that would be more in sync with her values.

Sneak preview and latest news about "Knickknack", a novel inspired by the works of H.P.Lovecraft

When the Carters move into a well-kept bungalow on the East Side of Madison, they soon discover they are sharing their new digs with what appears to be the spirit of Darryl Carter’s slain rapper brother, Demetrius AKA Uncle Playa. At first, it seems that their spectral housemate is only interested in helping Darryl’s brother Malcolm become Madison’s first black mayor and protecting his wife Denise and daughter Kelly from local thugs. However, after Darryl and Denise are attacked by a swarm of earwigs and Kelly is nearly pulled into the Land of the Pattywhacks, the sinister dimension that lies beyond the basement wardrobe, by an ungodly monstrosity, the Carters realize that the Knickknack, a shape shifting demon who thrives on deception, has been occupying their home since the day they moved in. When they try to flee, the entity attempts to devour their car, but they are rescued at the last minute by medium Tamara Phillips, who informs them that the only effective weapon against the Knickknack is a rare volume of spells entitled the Zuccothicon.
Unfortunately, when Tamara attempts to purchase a copy of the Zuccothicon from an old friend, a cult led by the evil warlock Vincent Buzaleeb steals the book to help realize the Knickknack’s scheme to overthrow Satan and rule hell. Tamara and the Carters follow Buzaleeb to a rundown gas station where Tamara manages to grab the book while Buzaleeb is tormenting a lottery winner trapped in a restroom. However, just when Tamara is convinced that the Carters’ battle with the Knickknack is almost won, she has a fatal encounter with the Gigantilupus, a giant wolf who serves as the Knickknack’s lieutenant. The Carters are able to take possession of the book, but soon discover that they will be unable to use it to defeat the Knickknack unless they are able to track down a trio of enchanted vampire bat ears, which will help them locate the incantations they require.
I was hoping that this synopsis would be intriguing enough to my current publisher, Eloquent Books, that they would award me a contract instead of making me pay for the production costs, which was what they made me do with "IVD". Unfortunately, they refuse to handle this title unless I pay them $995 or "IVD" sells at least 5,000 copies. I already paid the greedy bastards about $600 to publish "IVD" and I damn near broke the bank last month on holiday advertising for that title. I don't want to wait until "IVD" sells 5,000 copies to see "Knickknack" in hardcover, so I have decided to submit my query to Bookblaster.com, which will contact a bunch of publishers and agents on my behalf, and hopefully I'll see some satisfactory results from that endeavor within the next few weeks.